A tooled up gang of mercenaries armed to the teeth with ukuleles | The Fiver
Liverpool The FiverA tooled up gang of mercenaries armed to the teeth with ukuleles
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Before Big Cup final in 1984, Roma considered the outcome to be in little doubt. Their destiny, to be crowned champions of Europe, would be played out in their own Stadio Olimpico where the swatting aside of Liverpool was considered little more than a formality ahead of the raucous celebrations that would ensue. After watching their team lose the match, Roma’s hubristic fans were determined not to be beaten in the ensuing battle and approximately 10,000 Liverpool fans were subjected to no end of violence as the city of Rome burned with white-hot fury. Of course they say revenge is a dish best served cold and today, 34 years later, Liverpool finally got their own back on Roma fans visiting Merseyside for tonight’s semi-final first leg with a terrifying but perfectly executed ambush.
Flying in the face of Jürgen Klopp’s pleas for them to receive Roma fans as guests and “show our very best to the world”, Liverpool City Council arranged for the 1,000 giallorossi landing at John Lennon International airport to be met by a tooled up gang of mercenaries armed to the teeth with ukuleles. Unable to turn back having already made their way through border security, the helpless Italians were little more than frightened lambs to the aural slaughter as they were forced to run the irritating plinky-plonk gamut of an instrument so annoyingly ubiquitous that even their traditional hipster owners are these days embarrassed to be seen playing them. They were appalling scenes; ones that made the recent “greeting” afforded to Manchester City’s team bus at Anfield three weeks ago seem comparatively hospitable.
With Roma’s fans cowed into early submission, it is now up to Klopp and his troops to do a similar number on their players at Anfield, and the Liverpool manager took time out from talking sensibly about the stupidity of Brexit to assess the task. “We both have the chance to go to the final and that’s all I need,” he hollered into a microphone while standing in front of a big red double-decker bus. “It’s possible, let’s try everything to do it. We’re expecting a mighty battle. They beat Barcelona, were first in their group and haven’t conceded a home goal so far in [Big Cup].” Over two legs, one of these teams is heading for a European exit, but Liverpool’s manager has made it abundantly clear in recent days that he and his loyal constituents will do everything they can to Remain.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Myanmar is one of the fastest growing nations in South East Asia and is passionate about English football. They have ambitious goals for grassroots and elite football development that we are delighted to be able to support. This tour gives us an opportunity to meet new fans of football who will hopefully support our journey back to the Premier League in the coming years” – Nasty Leeds announce they plan to fly out to the war-torn nation to play money-making friendlies on 9 May and 11 May despite the foreign office warning against non-essential travel to a country that has been accused of ‘textbook ethnic cleansing’ by the United Nations.
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“I’m not sure the FA should apologise for charging up to £145 for Cup final tickets. Last year I satisfied a lifetime ambition by buying two and taking my son. The pair cost me £640. And we lost. Isn’t it better for the football authorities to keep more of the money and the profiteers less? What’s scandalous is how few tickets go to the clubs and how many to the FA’s friends and families, to sell on” – Robert Macmillan.
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THE RECAP
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BITS AND BOBS
José Mourinho hopes to give Luke Shaw’s parking space to Danny Rose next season.
The Chelsea and England striker Fran Kirby has won the inaugural Women’s Footballer of the Year gong from the Football Writers’ Association. “To be the first recipient of this honour and award is so special,” trilled Kirby.
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Because a Japanese consortium has waved $25bn in his face, Fifa chief suit Gianni Infantino will hold a special meeting next month about plans to create 24-team Club World Cup that is yet another kick in the teeth to the The Fiver’s years-old STOP FOOTBALL campaign.
Former France boss Henri Michel, who also managed Cameroon, Morocco and Ivory Coast at World Cups, has died aged 70.
Steven Ferguson and Stuart Kettlewell have been confirmed as Ross County’s Houllier and Evans de jour, having been installed as co-managers of the Scottish Premiership side. “They are a perfect fit for the role and no one knows the club and playing staff, from first team down to our youngest age group, as well as them,” cheered chief suit Roy McGregor.
And in encouraging news for all those among us who have rubbish bins for hearts, Michael Oliver has been awarded the job of refereeing the FA Cup final.
STILL WANT MORE?
There’s oodles of stuff to get you in the mood for tonight’s tussle at Anfield in Big Cup: footballing brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson on what Roma must do to quell Liverpool’s threat; Paolo Bandini on Daniele De Rossi’s long wait for a dream date at Anfield and this Special European Nights quiz.
Fifa and Uefa player of the year Lieke Martens gets her chat on with Suzanne Wrack about growing up with Ronaldinho as an idol, life in Barcelona and being a role model.
Debt worries, ownership worries, identity worries, League One worries – where next for Sunderland, wonders Louise Taylor.
And a brand spanking new World Cup stunning moment: Simon Burnton on Clive Thomas’s Zico-baiting in 1974.
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